Reasonable dating expectations
When partners place at least some responsibility for the success of the relationship on themselves, Lowe tells Web MD they ultimately will get more from each other.There is perhaps nothing quite as exhilarating as the heady feeling of falling deeply, madly, passionately in love.But as sound as this tenet may be, it also underscores what experts see as a major problem in relationships today: We frequently expect a little too much, a little too soon. "People want to rush into a relationship and they want it all to work out right away.They become very concerned if the other person doesn't call them quickly or doesn't want to see them with increasing frequency," says Jo Ann White, a relationship expert and psychology instructor at Temple University in Philadelphia. Many times, she says, one partner simply doesn't want to move that fast.The bad news is this surge of delicious brain chemistry doesn't last.Fortunately, however, while all this passion is stirring in our brain, a slightly different state of mind is brewing elsewhere in our psyche -- a purely psychological phenomenon that experts call "bonding." "When the initial brain chemistry involved in the 'honeymoon' phase is over -- which it eventually is -- the bonding kicks in, a feeling of closeness and 'coupling' that actually helps keep the man and the woman together over time," says Sugrue.Because of that, many of us come to expect that intense feeling to remain throughout the relationship.But this, say experts, is a false expectation that frequently drives many a couple apart.
How do you know when to hold on and when to let go?
In fact, at least one aspect of this tantalizing chemistry lesson was recently proven by a group of Italian researchers.
In this study, doctors looked at three groups: The first was patients diagnosed but not yet treated for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD); the second group was couples who were newly in love; the third group was composed of "normal' people.
And, by comparison the group of normal folks had normal levels.
But what was exciting and new: The discovery that couples who were newly in love had the same low level of this serotonin-related chemical as people with OCD.