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I’m aware why women don’t want to talk and prefer men to take up the mantle. But if women don’t talk about their sexual assaults — for their own valid reasons — it’s hard to expect men to fully understand the scope of the problem.“Placing the burden on victims and survivors to give and share their horrific traumas and mentally relive them so that other people can take and receive that knowledge, which the victims already know from personal experience is likely to be questioned, doubted, diminished, disregarded, or reacted to with defensiveness, is another ‘taking away something’ from them.”Honestly, I don’t know what to do with that. If you don’t speak out, you’re part of the problem. I remember hitting on a woman at a bar in New York City after 8 vodka tonics. I agree that there’s not much men could do to stop those who assault others sexually when it comes to talking about it.
If you speak out and accidentally offend, you’re part of the problem. I wonder if I was ever “that guy.” The guy who came on too strong. Just like you can’t stop the mass shooter, murderer, etc. But men can definitely make a huge difference by showing less tolerance toward inappropriate behavior. Groping, rubbing your junk up on people, bullying and harassment (as in continuing to bother someone even after they have clearly expressed no interest) can all fall under that category.
It creates a swell of awareness that this behavior is more rampant than we knew. We’re half of society, and we all have to live together on this planet. The best thing men can express in this movement is a show of no tolerance for inappropriate sexual behavior.
It makes people perpetrating these crimes profoundly uncomfortable at being outed. So how are the 94% supposed to contend with the 6% who are tarnishing our gender? He hit me in the face three times before I was thrown out of the bar. Too often, too much is being ignored and dismissed as “oh, he’s just being a man” (by both women and men).
If more young men grow up with the firm believe of zero tolerance, they might not be so hesitant to interfere.
Do we actually need another voice in the cacophony condemning Weinstein, or are the millions of women who are telling their #Me Too stories good enough? Is it anything like the silence of the enablers at Miramax, or the Hollywood community who turned a blind eye because “hey, what are you gonna do?If anything, it’s too painful to look at head-on, so we look away. Particularly younger men need to be taught that this is not “cool” behavior, quite the opposite.Men can play a huge role here in teaching their sons. How many rapes and gang rapes have happened because some young men were afraid to stop it, or losing their place in the group because they interfered?If other men, however, shun his behavior as well, the intimidation factor to the perpetrator becomes much greater.At the very least, it takes away the feeling that other men are “on his side”, or support his behavior (silence can often be misinterpreted as support).