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And I asked myself, “Sophie, is your sexual life so very stimulating, actually? And when we are making love, it is not always enjoyable. If you visit Paris, you will notice that we are very thin, even if we are the country of bread and cheese. I’ve met a man who is not afraid of my long years of solitude and is perhaps heated and reassured by my honesty and what he calls my “exciting expectations.” Who could ask for more?

” And my answer was, “No.” I realized that even when I took pleasure, I was not ecstatic with my sexual life. At the beginning, I kept the fact that I had given up sex a secret, and nobody around me could guess how untouched I was. We are liars, poor liars trying to mystify one another. We are also very sexy, but maybe it’s only a show to save our reputation. During the 12 years I didn’t have sex, I learned so much.

Sometimes I took pleasure just by staring at men’s necks. Even the pleasure you can give to yourself (everyone asked me about masturbation) is a paradise. Your imagination can sleep with who you want, even Cary Grant! As I wrote about my experiences, I thought a lot about privacy.

I realized privacy is not about what you are doing so much as about what you are not doing.

In fact, I seemed to be going through the motions of lovemaking because, I thought, that’s what everybody did. I knew perfectly well that people accept all kinds of sexual behaviors, just so long as you are doing something with your body. About my body, the role of art in eroticism, the power of dreams, the softness of clothes, the refuge and the importance of elegance. But society doesn’t recognize this kind of felicity. I’ve learned that most people mainly want to prove that they are sexually functioning, and that’s all. And believe me, when the body really wants the skin of someone else, it knows perfectly how to behave.

I decided to take a break, to recover a true desire. Are you single, married, engaged, “it’s complicated”? All of these categories suggest sexual activity, which somehow reassures us. That I can take more pleasure while watching Robert Redford shampooing Meryl Streep’s hair in “Out of Africa” than being in a bed with a man. Strangely, people are ashamed to admit that they are alone in their beds, which I discovered is a huge pleasure. We’re poetry, we are floating creatures, sometimes happy sexually, and sometimes in a desert, even as we share our lives with someone. Sometimes, it is what your soul and your body need. You will look into someone’s eyes, and nature will take over.

People are free to attend any number of sessions without a prior commitment, and people are not required to have a substance use goal in order to join the group.

Each week, Powers uses selections from books, blogs or articles to start the group discussion.

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“We talked about this as a group, and then people gave personal accounts of how to go about saying ‘no,’ and how to talk about it, too.” Primarily, Powers lets the group dictate where discussions go and the issues that are focused on.In February and March, the group read selections from , among other material.“The idea was to make the group more accessible by taking some of the pressure off in terms of what we’re talking about,” said Powers.He said that many times, guys find it helpful to connect with each other and talk about personal things related to sex and relationships.“Some guys will say that they don’t just want sex—they want intimacy. This group gives people a chance to talk with other men about what they want in relationships or with partners, which is good practice for talking with partners out in the real world.

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