Dating an asian
I talk about how these experiences have shaped me into who I am today and how I always want to be more connected to my roots.Once I trust someone, I open up about my background and life as a Chinese-American woman.If someone messages me, “Hi, I think Asians girls are hot,” I almost immediately block them. While not all white guys I’ve dated — and I’ve only entered serious relationships with white guys — are like that, I’ve fallen prey to a few short-term relationships with these types.They all managed to white-splain Chinese or Asian culture, whether in the form of travel stories, pop culture, anime, or tales of the Asian communities they immerse themselves in while simultaneously putting me on a pedestal for, well, just being Asian. I only got into them because I was not fully aware, at first, that I was being fetishized.My first relationship was with a Western girl when I was growing up in Perth, and I never felt like my race was a factor in how it started or ended.I identified with Western values over my birth country of Singapore in almost every aspect of my life but food (rice At the time, I rarely felt that assumptions were made about me based on my ethnicity, but things changed when I moved to Melbourne for university.They didn’t expect me to behave a certain way or be submissive because that’s how they perceive Chinese women.When I was in my second year of university, a stranger approached a friend and me on the streets of Melbourne, asking to photograph us for his website about interracial couples.
The guys I’ve chosen to be with in the long term are not perfect by any means, but they never sought me out or pigeonholed me for being Chinese.
After a fittingly awkward goodbye, I never saw that man (or, concerningly, his website) again, but the unusual encounter stayed with me.
It was the first time someone had given voice to an insecurity I held but had never felt comfortable communicating.
Now that I live in the diverse city of Los Angeles, I feel it would be silly to only seek out one particular race.
It’s taken years for me to unlearn internalized racism, which at one point, made me hate myself for being Chinese.